Monthly Archives: October 2012

a few things about a few things

So, earlier last week I posted a story about my awesome trainer writing into a local news story about my weight loss progress. Since then, Adam has had the preliminary interview with a reporter who will now take his words and make a proposal to her boss in hopes that it is newsworthy. We will be notified if we do or do not get a story. Whether is happens or not, I feel pretty good about being open to do it. And I love the fuck out of my trainer. So, we’ll see. In the meantime I’ll just be at the gym killing myself every morning. The scale hasn’t moved in a while. But I’m still holding it down at 197. And I’m good with that for now.

**

Here are a few texts messages between me and Adam.

Me: My ass really hurts today. So, thanks? 

Adam: You are welcome.

Me: I think my boobs are getting bigger because my peck muscles are getting bigger. This is really happening, right?

Adam: You are definitely developing peck muscles, breast tissue doesn’t work that way.

Me: So what you’re saying is, you hate me.

Adam: LOL! WHAT???

Me: I really want to do those walking planks with the push-ups in between during our workouts. Because it looks awesome and I get mad respect at the gym when I do them.

Adam: Also, they make you really strong!

Me: Yea. That too, I guess… I like people to be afraid/impressed by me. yay!

Adam: You’re funny, A.

**

Last weekend I had 2 dates with a boy, and I just want to say that aside from a small texting session we had on Monday, I have not heard from him. And I’m OK with that. I really meant what I said when I mentioned I was grateful for having met him and those few hours where I felt so much magic. Because it was magical.  I have not had a man make me feel so special in years. I forgot what it felt like to excited about a man.  I do not know what happened. He said he wanted to see me…He “we’d” me… He even took his profile down on Saturday night, but then reposted it on Tuesday. Men are funny. But then again, so are women.  I’m not going to spend another moment wondering why he disappeared- I did that yesterday and yesterday is just that.

So there it is. And like I said, I’m fine. When you start to really believe that everyone who comes into your life has a place and a purpose- even if for only a small moment, things get a lot easier.

***

I have a private client I see once a month. Her and her husband have some health issues and sometimes leave post-its in the bathroom for each other. I think this was fitting:

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Bella Luna

I met a boy.

We met the way most people meet nowadays, online. We exchanged pretty lengthy emails, back and forth over the course of 3 weeks. In reality, it felt like I was just talking to a friend. I liked him, but I liked who he was foremost. You can tell a lot about who someone by the way they talk about their family. I’ve learned this the hard way. He however spoke very differently.
I felt as if we both treaded lightly. No one was in a hurry to meet. No one implied there was an expiration date on how long we would write for. We just wrote nightly, about our days, our work, our pets. Easy… It was the kind of stuff I talk to my friends about everyday. Then last week he asked me if I wanted to have dinner. Dinner. Not coffee. Not a cocktail. Not the kind of meeting where it feels like an interview and you size each other up. A meal in a real restaurant, with a tablecloth between us. (Hi, I haven’t been taken out and treated well in a long time. I had no idea men still did this.)
So we met. The rest is a waterfall of good things.
We decided on thai food. I asked him to order for us, which he did and amazing things were brought to our table. We talked long and laughed hard- mouth open, eyes watering. We ate slowly and took our time. He got up when I got up AND also when I returned to our table. We talked even after the plates were cleared and the food boxed-up in those white square food containers that look like little purses.
After dinner, we went over to The Madonna Inn, where they have a huge dance floor. On Saturday nights they have a full orchestra that plays big band music. People- young and old- swing dance. We danced. This lovely gentleman took 4 years of swing dance lessons. And let me just say, he was a great lead. We talked in between small bursts of dancing. We didn’t cha-cha or jitterbug. Just a lot of basic east coast triple-step stuff. It was so damn fun. I was not always graceful, but he didn’t care. And we laughed a lot. And he twirled me and dipped me and made me feel like a girl, a teeny-tiny girl at that. There is something to be said for a man who knows how to hold a woman. It was lovely.
But it was when the band played this song that I think I actually levitated off the floor. And when the song was over, slowly we kissed. The kiss was exactly how a first kiss should be; awkward, a bit clunky, slow and sweet. But he held me like he meant it.
The moon was full outside, and for the first time in years I felt magic.
He trembled a little when we hugged and kissed goodnight. It made me think of that scene in Say Anything. If you’ve seen that movie, you’ll know exactly what part I mean. I drove home smiling.

I saw him the next day. We met for a beach walk/run/trot with his sweet dog, then later we had lunch. It was slightly less magical, but then again daylight has a reality of it’s own. It was good. We laughed and I felt like I could just talk and laugh and be happy in the moment. And I was.
The goodbye kiss was still a bit awkward, but he still held me like he meant it.
He wants to meet for dinner this week.

When you are treated really well for even a moment, you suddenly realize how poorly you have been treated in the past- by others and by yourself. Even if first dates are always good, it still highlights all the dates in between that were not so great. I also started thinking about a relationship I was in and how it was so fun at first… and then it wasn’t. And yesterday I asked myself, “At what point did you think you deserved to be treated badly. At what point did that make sense to you?”
It’s been a very cathartic 48 hours.

I don’t know what I’m doing with this guy. I have no real plans other than to just have fun and enjoy someone who enjoys my company. But I do know he was put in my path for a reason, even if that reason is to just open my heart and let me start believing in magic again. And if I never see him it again, it worked.

I’m so very grateful.