there is no finish line

Today I ran 10 miles. Some of them weren’t pretty, but I ran my heart out and was happy to be done. I hydrated better this time and ate really well. There was NO runner’s poop when I got home- thank you lord! I did have some abdominal cramping but other than that I felt ok. I ate some carbs then treated my self to a small vanilla shake. (That shit tasted AH-MAZING.) I’m still pounding the water and I don’t feel as fatigued as last time, though I just noticed how achey my knees and feet are. I’m a little worried… Next week Sunday I’m doing a 12 mile beach run. It will be easier on my legs and feet, even though I know the half marathon is on asphalt. I just want to do a 12 mile run that will feel easy so I won’t be freaked out as to how 13.1 miles will feel when I actually do them on the street. Did I mention I’m worried?

Last week was a struggle. It was very hard to keep up with all the food and workout stuff. I had to really talk myself into those early mornings at the gym. The treadmill felt like a prison. Honestly, I’m just really fucking tired and need a break. I have been working at this since May of last year and I am just…exhausted. My good friend, Coco and I exchanged several text messages about just how exhausted we are. We both acknowledge this is a lifetime gig; there is no finish line. It’s sometimes very daunting. I just keep telling myself to keep on pushing. I’m still trying to break 200 (And yes, I still had a vanilla shake. I wanted it.) and I gotta do this little run at the end of the month. I have decided that after my event I am going to give myself the week off. I have talked to my trainer about it and even he agrees I need a break/reward. He keeps saying I’m going to hit a wall if I don’t take a “real break”. Even professional athletes do this apparently. Well, guess what? I hit that wall. I’m taking that break in just a few weeks. I will sleep in, rest my body, stretch and try to eat mindfully, but other than that I will remain still. This body could use some stillness.

In spite of a hard week, my good friend Laurie convinced me for the second time in 2 weeks to do a sunrise hike. I did this hike last week with her too at a very early hour. This time we met even earlier (at 5:30 am) and with flash lights in-hand, we ascended Bishop’s Peak. It was all but completely dark for the first 25 mins. We climbed quickly and got to the top in just about 45 mins. I was drenched and tired, but the view was amazing and SO satisfying. We climbed that thing so fast, so determined and saw gold at the top. We both agreed that was the fastest either of us had done it. The first time I ever tried it it took me 90 mins. We did a round trip in less than that.

***

Last weekend I drove down into Los Angeles to see my family. Like always it was wonderful and seeing my family -especially my niece and nephew, always ALWAYS fills my love tank. They are so full of joy and life and love. They say the smartest, silliest, most honest words. And in those moments I want to bottle -up all that good stuff and keep it in a vial in my purse, and with me at all times.
I hope one day I have a family like that of my own.
If not… I may just be a lesbian. I’m sort of half serious. I know I have touched on this before, but I’m thinking maybe it’s something I’ll explore later. Seriously, there is this real possibility that I may never get a chance to have children, and if and when that day comes I don’t want to be lonely. I want companionship. I get along with woman. I think woman are beautiful to look at and to hold. I could entertain this idea and get real with it, I think. Or, as I’ve told my good friends, you might just all have come along for the ride if I decide to go through a lesbian phase. So there. And I promise if this ever comes to fruition, I won’t hit on any of you! See? Happy? Everyone take a breath now.

Here, look at this picture from my hike. Magic, right? Think of this and not me scissoring some girl named, Mo.

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2 thoughts on “there is no finish line

  1. donn says:

    Mo? I hope her name is better than that!

    I love you and could not be more proud of all you are accomplishing!!! You are a true inspiration and I can’t wait to see how amazing your life is about to become 🙂

  2. Veronica M. says:

    Every post you write is so open, funny and inspiring. Love you!!

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