now vs. then

I’m having a great morning. I slept really, really well after reading this article. Woke-up feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ran and felt pretty great. My current weight is 201.8. I know the scale shouldn’t matter but I feel pretty amazing right now. I’m so close to being under 200, I can taste it.
I was making myself some breakfast this morning (because I NEVER skip breakfast) and while I was looking in my refrigerator I couldn’t help but notice how things have changed in my kitchen. So here is a list of things I used to eat, and how that has changed during this journey.

278 pounds, when things were bad. At any given moment my kitchen was STOCKED as such:
Some sort of half eaten cake- with the fork always left in the container.
White flour pasta
Alfredo sauce in a jar
Macaroni and cheese boxes
A case of wine
Kettle chips
Several kinds of cheeses
Frozen meals such as, Orange Chicken with fried rice, Lasagna, pot pies, meatloaf, enchiladas.
A trashcan full of fast food containers; Burger King, Mc Donalds, the chinese joint down the street, The mexican place that knows me by the name, Pizza boxes, donut boxes.
Whole milk
Corn Pops cereal
ice cream

When I got started losing weight:
Weight Watcher meals
Lean Cuisine meals
Fruit- mostly bananas and apples
Bag o’salad
Fat Free chocolate pudding
Low Fat milk
Half a case of wine
Pop Chips
Rotisserie Chicken
Veggies for WW Zero Point Soup (I ate A LOT of this)
Water by the case
corn tortillas
Whole grain bread
Low Fat salad dressing

What I eat now:
Hard boiled eggs
Can tuna
chicken- boiled or grilled
Spinach or dark greens- romaine ends or butter lettuce.
red cabbage
Unsweetened, vanilla almond milk
frozen fruit for smoothies (peaches, blueberries, mango)
Whey Protein
Flax (seeds and ground)
Whole wheat pasta
Marinara sauce
Salad dressing with little or no sugar
Sandwich thins, multigrain or wheat
Low Fat Miracle Whip
Olive Oil
Peanut butter
Almonds and cashews
Veggie patties
Greek Yogurt
Bag of shredded cheese
sweet potatoes
Gallons of water
Wine- I buy 1 bottle at a time- not a case or half a case, no matter how good the deal is.

Things have changed dramatically, because I have changed just as such. When I first started doing this, the last list would have seemed like a punishment, but now I think of it as fuel for the week. When I don’t have any of these item on hand, I start feeling panicky. I don’t remember the last time I ate a lean cuisine meal. The idea of that sounds terrible to me now, even though at one time I craved them so.
I still eat chips and donuts sometimes, and from the mexican place that knows my name, but it is so rare I do that, that when I do make those choices I really enjoy the taste and the experience. I eat slowly and close my eyes and still have that joy of eating fun food. Whereas before I just ate without consciousness. I ate without tasting. I swallowed food like I was angry that it was in front of me. I shoveled it in as quickly as it would arrive. I ate because I was bored, it was there, to fill me up emotionally.And that’s a really scary thing.
Other things fill me up now. But it’s taken me a while to get here.


2 thoughts on “now vs. then

  1. donn says:

    Yikes – now I feel crappy about my fridge :-S

    Are we still on for donuts from time to time???

  2. Veronica M. says:

    You’re so awesome. Totally inspiring. And I have tears streaming down my face because I really recognize myself in the last part of the post where you describe why you ate that way. Thank you for sharing your story.

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