Suddenly, it’s July.
Back in June I had posted that Coco and I were going to not only do double workouts, but try and drop 10 pounds as well in the 30 days June had to offer. So, this is what happened:
I worked out A LOT. I did double workouts 4x a week, and 2 regular-day workouts as well. I ate better and actually ate more. I quickly discovered that the more you workout the more you actually have to eat. Hmm… So that’s why I was feeling so shitty for all those months! (DING! DING! DING!) I ran my ass off, I doubled up training sessions and by the last week of June, I hit a wall. I was tired, sore and slightly unmotivated. I ended up going to LA for a long weekend and though I brought my running clothes, I chose to eat well (as in NOT well), visit people I love, and rest. It did wonders for me. And when I went for a run on Monday morning I felt a sense of renewal and was astounded by my increased energy. There is something to be said for “rest days”. And I really hate it when my trainer is right! But yea, it went well. And even though I had two days of eating totally shitty (I actually drank a 32 oz vanilla shake one night) I didn’t gain my seventy-something pounds back. I didn’t gain any weight at all in fact, which makes me realize just how fast my metabolism is burning. Amazing. I’ll get back to this thought in a minute. As for total weight loss for the month of June… THREE POUNDS lost. Just 3. Not 10. And I can live with that, because it was a hard three pounds to lose. And if that meant I got to have a vanilla shake before dinner one night, then it was totally worth it. Also, I can now run 5 miles in just about 1 hour. That’s pretty fast, mutha fuckas! Yay, me! I’m going to take every victory I can right now, because that’s what keeps me going. So that was June.
New goals for July:
Break 200. I’ve been saying this and wanting this since April. 200 is my arch nemesis. Seriously, I have not been under 200 for years. And the last time I was, it literally lasted like 12 hours, then I lost my shit over something ridiculous and started to gain weight again. Yea. Awesome.
In order to break the 200 mark I have to give up alcohol. I already started. It’s been 6 days so far and I have already lost 1 pound, so I can already tell my body likes what it’s feeling. I drink a lot. And by a lot I don’t mean a lot everyday, I just mean everyday. I always have wine at my house. I always have wine with dinner or after dinner. It was how I was unwinding. It was my “reward” for all my hard workouts. But all that has proven to stop the progress I am making. So, alcohol has got to go.
It’s kind of a busy month full of get-togethers, so I’ll allow myself a glass or two per occasion, but I can already tell I may change my mind. For instance, last night I went to a baseball game, complete with fireworks and lawn seats. I actually drank water. WATER- not icy beer with a hot dog on the side. I brought an apple and a banana to eat too. Yep, I sure am fun these days. It’s going to be totally worth it in the end, so I’m doing it.
My last goal for July is to take the fear out of eating. As I mentioned before, I was surprised that I didn’t gain all my weight back after a weekend of bad eating. I was surprised. Because in my mind eating bad is what got me into this mess and if I waiver from my good eating habits for just one moment it’s all coming back. Well, that is just ridiculous. I can eat the occasional cheeseburger and I won’t gain 10 pounds overnight. I CAN. Because I didn’t gain all that weight in one night in the first place. I gained it over a long period of time of not loving myself or believing in who I was or could be. That’s how I got there. I got there from eating out from a drive-thru 15x a week. I didn’t gain it from eating at Chili’s and having a margarita with my girlfriend. And I really want to be that carefree from time to time. I don’t want to stress when there is a special occasion, or if I have horrible PMS and need
a whole bag a giant handful of Kettle Chips. It’s OK to have those things sometimes. I should be able to do it without feeling horrible about myself. It’s not everyday I do that, but it is everyday that I eat really fucking well. So I need to calm the fuck down and enjoy those moments when they occur. I’m going to try to anyway.
Losing weight has become a continuous mind fuck. You are constantly trying to talk yourself into working out, eating well, getting faster, getting stronger. You flex your muscles everyday and try to look beyond the loose skin and saggy boobs. You tell yourself the scale doesn’t matter because the clothes are loose. That is a hard thing to do- even though the outcome is still awesome. These are all great things, but they are exhausting. It’s a full time job. When people tell you that you are obsessed, you want to scream at them THAT’S HOW SHIT GETS DONE! Because it is how shit gets done. You have to flex and workout your mind just as you do your body, so that you’re both on the same page. That’s how it works. It’s hard. And if you’ve ever had to lose a large amount of weight, it’s even harder.
But I’m feeling less crazy these days, and that is something. And like I said before, I’ll take every victory I can right now.