*For a minute there, I lost myself…

I have written in almost 4 months. Life got away from me.

What I mean is, school  was really fucking hard and it required more time than I ever imagined. And that was just one class. It did however require lab hours which took A LOT of my spare time. Seriously, I am so over thinking about anatomy for the meantime. But I still want to be a nurse so, Yay for me! I scored a B in the class. I’m totally happy. It was the hardest B I have ever worked for. I’m ready for A’s now. I promised myself I wouldn’t think about next semester for a week or so. So… I’ll start thinking about that on Monday.

I don’t know where May went. I’m surprised that we are already 6 months into the year. I feel like a lot has happened. No wonder I am so tired. Like, really tired. I don’t know how parents do it. My two jobs and pets, along with my past semester AND working-out 6 days a week almost killed me. But it didn’t. Anyhow, here’s what happened in the last 4 months.

I managed to lose some serious weight and inches! 

I increased my training session to 2x a week with my lovely trainer, Adam. He has seriously been working my ass off. I don’t even remember if I was seeing him last time I wrote, and I’m too lazy to look.  That boy has me doing all kinds of fun things, like weighted step-ups, military push-ups, transitioning pull-ups, running up hill, and lots of things that make me want to vomit. But, yay for me. I’m 210 now and wearing a size 14. In fact all my 16’s are too big for me and all my XL tops just look silly when worn. I have no clothes practically, unless you count gym clothes, but I just don’t care. I’m 3 pounds away from the weight I was when I moved here almost 5 years ago. I’d like to lose another 20 pounds this year. This is where it gets hard though. I’m gaining a shit ton of muscle, but the scale has slowed some. It’s ok though. I’m really fucking strong. Wanna arm wrestle? Also, I ran my first 10k. It took me about an hour and 20 minutes to do it. I ran about 90% of it. And at the finish line I cried. It is one of my greatest moments in my life, thus far. Oprah Winfrey once said, “Running is the best metaphor for life, because you get out of it exactly what you put into it.” It’s so true. I ran my ass off, just like I worked my ass off these past few months.

The Move

I’ll be moving back to LA at some point. It’s official. With the passing of my grandmother comes the settling of her estate. Once that is said and done, I’ll be planning a move back to LA. It’s really time. I’m happy here, but not really happy here. And I’m lonely more times than I want to admit. I’m so glad that I have made good friends and have 2 great jobs, when a lot of people in this area can barely find one. I have made the most of my time here. I’m now checking-off just the last few things on my list before I leave. I’m thinking it will be right after Christmas, if all goes well. It’s exciting and scary and a huge relief all at once. I left LA as someone I am not now. I kind of miss that girl. I’m hoping to rekindle a happy-middle-of-the-road relationship with the old me. To be continued…

I have bitchen friends

No really. I do. Without my friends, I am only half the person I want to be. Without my friend Steph, I would have never attempted to even try to run. I’m running now. A LOT. Without my friend Donn, I wouldn’t be able to laugh at myself as often as I should. We laugh a lot. And he is a bad ass mother fucker! He is participating in his second AIDS Ride next week. He’ll be riding from SF to LA. Talk about commitment. I am in awe of him. My friend Tana has also lost a shit ton of weight. She has actual “guns” now. As in, two tickets to the gun show while pointing to her arms. I want guns. I want to be her. She is my daily text-o-love about food and work-outs and well…shitting. Shitting a big part of weight loss. I’m sorry, but it just is. One day you might see that for yourself. There is nothing as gratifying as a giant poop fest the morning before a Weight Watcher weigh-in. But along the way I have also become great friends with someone I have never actually met before. My girlfriend Nicole, who I met while on Flickr like forever ago, has also been the constant source of support and guidance through this all. And yes I’m serious when I say her and I have never actually met. Like I said, we knew each other only by the photography we were interested in. But later we became Facebook friends. And then after that we became real friends. I’m not going to tell her story because that is her own to tell some time, but I will say this: She totally gets me, and I totally get her. We grew-up with the same beliefs, the same body image issues, and the share a lot of the same challenges now. We even teeter around the same weight. There are many times when she has motivated me to do more, simply because she implied I was worth more. That’s the thing with weight loss/gain. You constantly doubt your worth. I work at it every damn day. She helps. Last night Nicole told me she was going to write to Dr. Oz and tell him our story, how we are cross-country workout buddies who have never actually met. She mentioned that maybe he would get us on the show and we would finally meet and workout and share our favorite recipes and such. I told her she was a fucking genius. But even if that never happens, I know one day we’ll meet. Maybe by then I’ll be teaching a cycle class, she’ll be teaching Kettlebells. That’s what works for us. Those are some goals we share. Anyway, she is awesome. I’m very blessed to have her, and everyone else who makes a difference in my life. I am very rich in friends. And in the last 6 months that become the shining truth everyday.

SO… I’m hoping I’ll get to do a lot more writing now. Because, basically I have a lot of shit to complain  talk about. I’ve been keeping a list on my phone of things I would write about eventually. I know you’re excited, right? All five of you who read this are fucking stoked!

Here’s to an amazing Summer, with more growth, more surprises, and more changes along the way.

I feel alive again.


3 thoughts on “*For a minute there, I lost myself…

  1. Sylvia says:

    You totally fucking rock and I’m glad you are writing again! I can’t wait to read more!!!!

  2. donn says:

    I love you.

  3. Tana says:

    why has it taken me this long to read every entry? some friend. ps. guns? you cray.

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