The fire I had under me on January 1 quickly cooled 3 classes into my new semester. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be a student, and though putting aside hours for class time seemed easy at the time, I didn’t account for actual homework hours, lab hours and commuting, while still working 2 jobs. This weekend I decided to drop my college algebra class, because frankly, I was sinking. I think I would have done alright, if I could have made time for a tutor, but that was just one more thing to add to my already piling list. I did keep my very demanding anatomy class. And that class is HARD. I have had anatomy before in massage school and took an honors human anatomy/physiology while in high school, so I went into it very cocky. Well, to my surprise the difference in those classes was like comparing garden weeds to a forest of giant red woods. Had I not had any background at all I’d be losing my mind daily, instead of just the bi-weekly crying jags I have lately. ahem. It was all too much, I’d reached my limit.
School is hard. So, there’s that.
A couple of weeks ago I decided to hire a personal trainer. I felt like I was ready to start the Jillian Michael-type workouts to increase my strength and endurance and help me drop the rest of this weight. I need someone to help me push myself to my most extreme physical limitations. So, Adam, is the new man in my life. He’s tall and lanky, awkward and kinda dorky, but incredibly smart and encouraging. He also had mad education skills, and mote degrees in his 26 years than i’ll ever see in my lifetime.
If anyone’s ever watched The Biggest Loser, you’ll know there’s all these great moments when trainers tell the team members things like, dig deep, one more rep, you can do it, let me see you explode up that step…and so forth, well, that’s exactly what Adam does for me. Seriously, I’m amazed at what this 223 pound body can do. AMAZED. But also, I’m so sore at times that I’m screaming when I have to set down on the toilet. I kid you not. Like, scared-the-cats screaming. It’s been eye opening. But I need this. And I need to feel proud of myself about this aspect of my life, because I feel so shitty about others. But that’s a blog for another day.
I registered for the Disney Half Marathon in September. It was 160 dollars to sign up. But I figured once I committed and threw down the money, I would make myself really do it, and not just talk about it. Also, because I’m constantly on a budget, I chose to do that instead of getting my hair done. Seriously. Who the fuck am I? Because you talking about a girl who lets nothing stand in the way of her and her well kept hair.
Something has clicked over in me.
I had so many big plans for me this year, it never occurred to me what kind of sacrifices I’d have to make, or just how hard those dreams would be to obtain. But this morning I got up, I decided not to give up on myself just yet. One day, I know that will change to not ever.