The (un)Date

I went to school with this guy, Mike. He wasn’t a big deal in high school, he was always referred to as the band director’s son- because that’s what he was. We knew each other because of course, I was in band. We also knew each other because his best friend and my best friend dated and had a baby together at the ripe age of 17 and 18. But other than all that, we barely knew each other. But this year we became “friends” on Facebook, because everyone else is doing it, right? And when you don’t hate those certain people you went to high school with and want to stalk them and see how fucked-up their lives became, you add them as friends on Facebook! So I added Mike. No attraction, not a whole lot in common- still, other than the fact that we still know the same people.
Mike has been in the Army since about 45 days after graduation. He is the typical Army guy all the way, complete with “Go Army” tattoo’d across the undersides of his forearms. He’s served 3 tours in Iraq. He wants to be promoted and deployed to Afghanistan. Wants. And the reason I know all this is because by pure chance he is training just 50 miles north of my area, and was just as bored as me and we met for a movie and gossip. As in, I wanted to gossip. He wanted to talk about his miserable existence. But I’ll get to all that…
Earlier we had exchanged some FB messages when we realized we were in the same area we both mentioned we should meet-up. It was all innocent, truly. No flirting. No suggestive talk. Just friendly. We decided to meet for a movie last Monday. He was off at 5, me 6 and a movie started at 8.
When I was at home getting ready to head back out, I confided in a friend that I wanted to look pretty, because I haven’t really seen anyone since high school, and certainly now I looked much different. So although I was casual, I wore my cute jeans, cute shapely sweater and did full hair and make-up. Red lipstick! Curled hair! I felt… Pretty.
I got to the theater a bit early and decided because it was my town I would buy our tickets, so I did.
Mike showed up as scheduled. 745 sharp.
He was in his Army camos. Like head to toe in dessert storm camouflage. Perhaps a tad awkward. I mean, he was done at 5pm… Why didn’t he change clothes? Apparently he wanted to look different too. We hugged, said hello and laughed about not seeing each other since graduation. I told him I got his ticket, and he kindly thanked me then we walked in. He noticed my hair, told me he liked it… But then asked me, “is it yours?” Like, all serious. Because apparently it looks fake OR because the only way one can have good hair is to buy it. Yes, its mine, I stated and tried not to look horrified. So…
I told him I was thirsty and wanted a soda. So to the concession stand we went. He said he wanted nothing. So I ordered my diet coke. And when I was rang-up I looked at him, but he was turned away and texting… Nice manners, Sgt. Thanks for letting me buy my own soda after spending 20 bux on tickets. It was awkward. Even the 16 year old behind the counter looked all, wtf? Just to review here: Camouflage, cheapskate, is my hair real?
We went into the theater and had time to kill and “talk”. I use this term loosely, because, really I was trying to wipe that snarl from my mouth as I sat and listened to him talk about his 3 marriages and 3 divorces. Three. He’s 36. Just to be funny I asked how he felt about lucky number 4, and this is pretty much what he said- though ever so lightly paraphrased.
“Here’s the thing, I do wanna get married and buy a house and all that, but I’m 36 and I’ll need to meet someone who doesn’t want to have kids, because I can’t [I didn’t ask]. and if I meet someone younger than me she’ll have to be ok with not having my kids. Or I need to be ok with raising her kids. But If I meet someone my age, the same things will have to apply. But if I meet someone who is my age who has never been married and doesn’t have kids clearly something must be wrong with her! I mean, if you are 35-36 and you fit that bill, no one has has touched you for a reason.”
I just want to state which may not be obvious here, I’m 35 and in 2 months i’ll be 36. I have never been married. And I do not have children. But I want those things. In fact I uprooted my entire life because I thought I’d actually have those things in return. But here I am, unmarried. No children. And I’m supposed to believe there is something wrong with me, because surely being married and divorced thrice by 36 means there is nothing wrong with you? I was stunned.
I kept waiting for him to apologize or back peddle on his rant, to say something… Anything. I just sat there and listened to this guy thinking what a jackass he was and praying for the movie to start, which eventually it did.
As ridiculous as he was, it bothered me. The fact that I am of a certain age, officially unattached, and this is what men possibly may be thinking of girls like me. Are they?
When the movie was over Mike walked me to my car. We made small talk, but that was it. I mentioned something along the lines of that was fun blah blah blah we should do that again sometime in the same fashion one might say “I’ll call you” after a really bad date or interview. To which he responded “I’ll let you know.”
Whatthefuckever, fuck face! I don’t even like you! No wonder you’ve been divorced 3 times! Dick! -all of this of course I kept on the inside.
I drove home, tired. And went to bed and tossed and turned. I forgot what being single was like. I never worried about me meeting new men because I always just assumed I was awesome and perfect, etc… It never occurred to me that I was being sized up as well. Interviewed, or evaluated. It made me realize how much things have change in 7 years, or rather, just how much I have changed.


6 thoughts on “The (un)Date

  1. Donn says:

    OMG – fuck face indeed. For the record – you are perfect and awesome, and just because some retarded Army fuck whose probably brain damaged from being exposed to toxic something or other and has a tiny dick (I mean REALLY – divorced THREE times!!!) doesn’t see that doesn’t mean that you aren’t. Trust me – delete this ass-hat’s phone number and quick.

    Oh, and I love & miss you!!

  2. Veronica M. says:

    That guy’s a fucking dud and I want to punch him in the face. He’s inhaled too many war fumes or something. The hair comment was hilarious, though. I may have to use it every time I see someone with nice hair. 😉

  3. Sister says:

    This is why I love your friends. They totally have your back and beat me to the punch with their comments. He was a total douche! Ugh men….
    Remember; you are fabulous!

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