I think it was some time ago. I dunno, long long looooooong ago that I realized I couldn’t do massage therapy for the rest of my life. It was after I moved to the central coast of California, after I worked my ass off to obtain two jobs (three if you count that once-a-month gig for 50 bucks). It was after I learned that I could text, take photos and email while working as a massage therapist, and certainly after I realized that I wasn’t getting married any time soon and despite those jobs I had could barely pay my bills here…It was after all that, that I finally realized: YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER PROFESSION.
I really hate change. Like, it makes me feel incredibly nauseous at the very thought of it. I attribute this to the fact that I had so, so much change in the last 4 years that I have become quite comfortable in my little cozy cottage in Los Osos doing the same things day in and day out. The fog around this place keeps all reality out. Mostly. It also is incredibly lonely here. Beautiful and mysterious at times- but lonely. It’s really not the kind of place to be if you are in a very solid routine of gym, work and nothing else, which is exactly where I am. Because living here, with just those things going for you will drive you absolutely insane.
I feel like life is passing me by here. Everyone elses life has moved forward in some way. People got married, had children, bought houses, obtained degrees, traveled, died, moved or just found happiness doing something else. I am in that unhappy-but-content spot. And I really hate it here. And I needed a small push… OK, I needed a project manager to plan my life. So my good friend Stephanie gave me a push. Sent me the links and gave me a to-do list, bullet pointed and everything with timelines and stuff.
Today I registered for community college, with the interest of obtaining my nursing degree. Because something needs to change in my life. Something needs to excite me again. Some seeds of happiness and success need to be planted and nurtured so I can change and grow in a positive way. In a way where I can still help people, but also help myself. So, I did it. Transcripts ordered. Registration started. Passwords set. I registered at 4 school. Two are here and two are back home in LA, because I have no idea where I will be in 4 months. But I really wanna know. Because I think I’m ready for the ground to move. I’m ready to start taking care of me. And I really want my life to begin. For real this time.